TGPA Chapter 5: Resolving the Knot
Near the area where Chen Hao rented, there were many small restaurants that offered delivery service. They mainly sold home-cooked stir-fried dishes, fried rice, fried noodles, and spicy hot pot, which were the best-selling items.
With 1,200 yuan in his pocket, Chen Hao used to plan his daily expenses. At least in the first fifteen days of each month, he made sure he could survive after paying rent and setting aside some transportation expenses. Now, he didn't have to worry anymore. He didn't even plan to pay tomorrow's rent.
"Boss, one plate of squid fried noodles, one plate of spicy shredded pork, and another bottle of beer."
"Okay."
The boss glanced at Chen Hao but didn't say much. As the owner of a small restaurant, he saw all kinds of people every day. Many people in this generation of drifters were like this—suddenly changing their daily lives. Only a very small number succeeded, and most were preparing to return home.
Chen Hao had eaten Ma La Tang and fried rice in this restaurant a few times. That was only when he received money from extra work. Otherwise, he would usually cook a nutritious meal in the communal kitchen of the rental house with the smallest expenditure.
Chen Hao drank three bottles of beer, finished the plate of spicy shredded pork, and quickly devoured the fried noodles. He didn't waste any soup in the noodles either. With the last few bites of noodles dipped in soup, he made a decision while drinking the third bottle of beer. It was a decision made after considering various factors, but it could be simply understood as a decision to go home because he missed his family.
He was going back home.
He hadn't thought about going back when he received the call yesterday, but that didn't mean he felt okay inside. Chen Hao always felt that having parents like his was a blessing he had accumulated over several lifetimes. He blamed himself for not being a good son. His past recklessness had caused them so much trouble, and he couldn't face them after failing to succeed in the past few years of drifting.
But now, he wasn't afraid anymore because he was confident that he would succeed soon.
He had had enough of staying here and had no attachment to this city anymore. Perhaps Liu Dong was considered a good buddy among the drifters he knew before yesterday. Now, in this corner of the city, he didn't want to stay any longer.
Chen Hao was never one to procrastinate. Once he made up his mind, he acted immediately. He didn't plan to pay the rent tomorrow because he didn't want to see the landlord's face full of grudges the day after tomorrow.
He went to the nearby ATM and deposited 300 yuan. He smiled bitterly as he deposited the money. He had just withdrawn 1,200 yuan in wages, and now he was putting it back so soon. Returning to the rental house, he could hear the faint crying and howling from the "broadcast room" without getting close to the door. Perhaps, others felt the same way about him as he did about himself.
With internet access, he bought a train sleeper ticket online from the capital, Yanjing, to his hometown, Meicheng, in Northeast China. He was no longer at the age where he could surprise his family. He made a phone call home, "Mom, I'll be home the day after tomorrow."
"Okay, okay. Mom will ask your brother-in-law to pick you up. Okay, okay..."
Facing his mother's excited voice over the phone, Chen Hao wanted to say, "Mom, I miss you," but he held back. It wasn't because he felt it was unmanly to say such things. He just felt that men shouldn't just say it but should also do it. When he made up his mind to go home, all the talk about the perfect broadcaster system and returning home in glory seemed like nonsense. At that moment, he wanted to slap himself and ask, "Chen Hao, do you still consider yourself a man? Even if you are criticized by thousands, shouldn't you go back and take responsibility instead of hiding behind excuses like 'I'm not successful outside so I won't go back' and letting your parents work at home? Your sister married a disabled person to cover up the big hole you poked back then."
Even if he was alone, so what?
Even if he had achieved nothing after drifting for several years, so what?
Even if he didn't have the perfect broadcaster system, so what?
He could use all his strength to help his family with farming and other work. At least when the harvest came in a year, there would be a smile to face his parents.
That night, Chen Hao couldn't sleep. It wasn't until dawn that he finally fell asleep with a smile on his lips. He had figured it out, and he was clear. If he hadn't made the decision to go home, he would never have realized that he had wanted to go home long ago. What he lacked was only the courage he had always thought he never lacked.
The alarm on his phone rang at 9:30 a.m. Chen Hao suddenly opened his eyes. The next moment, he wanted to close his eyes and go back to sleep. After three seconds with his eyelids down, he suddenly sat up straight, shaking his head vigorously, and rubbing his cheeks with both hands.
From 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. every day, he had ten hours of microphone time. Whether he sang or not was up to him. Even if he didn't show up for a month, no one would bother him. But earning money was his own business, and after the feeling he had yesterday, Chen Hao wanted to experience it again.
He opened his computer, logged into LeLe, and entered a sub-channel called "Golden Song Singing." He saw that his account status had changed to a member with a blue badge. He clicked on the queue and smoothly got into the queue. His queue position was 17, quite far back, but for Chen Hao, it was just right. It gave him enough time to freshen up and grab something to eat.
After washing up, he bought four buns and a cup of soy milk from a nearby stall. On his way back, he saw the landlord. Without waiting for the landlord to speak, Chen Hao smiled and said, "Uncle Ma, since Liu Dong left, I also want to go back. I have a train tonight, so I won't owe you rent. You can arrange for someone to move in tomorrow."
"Okay, I'll check. Not owing is good. It's better to go back. There's nothing much to do here." The landlord flipped through the small notebook he kept in his waist pouch all day, confirmed that Chen Hao didn't owe rent, nodded, and casually said, "No joy or sorrow." He didn't lack tenants, and there were always some people leaving every month. The turnover rate here was much higher than in the residential areas where the drifters struggled in Yanjing.
The sub-channel, with just over two thousand people, was on the brink of being shut down and reorganized with new broadcasters. As a result, there were fewer broadcasters and fewer people climbing the mic. With the efficiency of climbing the mic in a channel with five to six thousand people, Chen Hao could sing at most five songs a day.
There were fewer people in the room, fewer broadcasters, fewer viewers, and fewer people climbing the mic. With his queue position at 17, according to normal calculations, he would have to wait at least an hour. But his bun was only half eaten when people kept cutting ahead, and when it was his turn, there was no sound from his queue and he was removed by the management.
What song to sing?
Chen Hao didn't need much time. As he greeted the people in the channel through the microphone, he opened the player and found a very popular old song, "In the Spring."
By this time, the number of people in the room had dropped to fifteen hundred, the gift screen was quiet, and there were only a few chat messages, mostly between broadcasters.
"In the spring, dedicated to you."
"A new broadcaster, Hao Zi? Who's that? Do you guys know him?"
"A newcomer. Take it slow. Hey, did you get your hair done yesterday? What color is it?"
The moment the microphone light turned on on LeLe, Chen Hao felt that he could conquer everyone with his singing voice. And he loved the lyrics of this song, especially the version sung by a pair of working brothers with their shirts off, smoking and drinking beer in a rental house. That kind of vicissitudes, he loved it. Neither the original singer nor the version that made the working brothers famous afterward had the same rich flavor and deep impact on the soul.
"Do you still remember many years ago in the spring, when I still had long hair, no credit cards, and no her? There was no 24-hour hot water at home."
"But back then, I was so happy, even though I only had a broken wooden guitar, singing those neglected ballads on the streets, under the bridges, and in the fields."
"If one day, I have no one to rely on when I'm old, please leave me there, in that time. If one day, I quietly leave, please bury me in this spring."
With this song, all the emotions inside Chen Hao poured out with his voice. The four years of drifting, the reckless youth, all surged into his mind. In front of him was no longer a computer, no longer the LeLe platform. He closed his eyes, and in his mind appeared the vast land of his hometown and the eager eyes of his parents. When he sang the chorus for the second time, it was no longer about searching for the meaning of life, nor was it about recalling the once prosperous spiritual world. He had confidence in the future because he was going home.
The entire chat screen, which was previously lazy with casual conversation, was now filled with excitement. First, there were the broadcasters' praises, followed by thumbs up and 666 all over the screen. When Chen Hao's queue had passed 150 seconds, gifts started floating in the chat, three sets of 66 lollipops from different people, as well as scattered individual lollipops and claps.
"Please bury me in this spring, in this spring..."
He didn't show off his skills or deliberately create a cool voice with his husky voice. A song that could evoke nostalgic feelings should be sung with the most genuine emotions, not techniques. But in the end, when his voice fell silent, Chen Hao didn't speak or open his eyes. He quietly enjoyed the moment for more than ten seconds until his queue time was up and it was the next broadcaster's turn.
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